¿Qué es una carta ? ¿Acaso alguien se sigue acordando de eso? Cogías un papel , un bolígrafo , un sobre y un sello. Te dentabas en una mesa y escribías. Acto seguido , la doblabas la metías en el sobre, chupabas los bordes , y lo cerrabas. Escribías las señas y el remite esmeradamente y con buena letra , para facilitarle el trabajo al pobre cartero, que suficiente tiene ya , con cargar con todos los paquetes, y pegabas el sello. Hoy , en este post , también quiero escribir una carta, pero , en inglés, a alguien muy especial: mi primer amor. Esta llena de mentiras. Pero esas mentiras , me harán sentir bien, aunque llore al escribirlas. Creo que merecemos una pausa. Merecemos un empate. Merecemos ser felices , los dos por ambos lados. Tu, te mereces aprender a amar a alguien que te ama. Y yo , me merezco dejarme amar por alguien que me ame realmente. En esta carta , va todo aquello que siempre quise que fuera nuestro, va todos aquellos planes que hablábamos hasta las cuatro de la madrugada los fines de semana. Va todo aquello , referente a la visión que quisiese poder llamar <<mi vida>> . Va todo aquello con lo que sueño. Va todo aquello que te deseo amor, todo aquello que espero todos los días que alguien te esté dando. No me siento culpable al quererte, pero como lo hago, mis reacciones me parecen realmente normales; todos los días , al levantarme , aunque no creo en dios , le pido que tengas una mirada que te haga sonreír, un amigo que te haga reír , alguien que se preocupe de taparte cuando duermes y de estar contigo cuando te pones enfermo. Le pido a dios que nadie te haga daño, le pido , que seas paciente con tu hermano, y le pido que te deje correr y jugar al baloncesto. Le pido que sigas siendo el hombre del que me enamoré un verano, para que otra persona pueda hacerlo pronto.
Dear P,
It's been long enough since we last spoke a word, and much hate has been spread arround. Don't worry, it's okey if you think I'm a bitch. I just write to you , to tell you that I'm happy. I write to you, just like when we were friends, remember Flash? I do.
When I was on the backstage before the show I noticed , while I was having my hair done, that someone was taking me photos. Randomly, I smiled. He was tall, with green eyes , though lips and blonde hair. "Silly" -I thought- "He might just have his head full of nothing". As you know, I was wrong, but I'm too proud to admit it. He came and introduced himself. Although I tried to be protective, he broke my walls in 2 minutes: he offered me a tea and a comic. After all, we talked long hours, about all: music, books, traveling , food, films, even paintings too !
When the day was over he kissed me on the lips, he didn't asked to, but I loved it. The following days he tried to apologize by putting a red rose wherever I step into. I wasn't "easy-going" and you know it. I gave him my number, and he started to talk me a lot, so I stepped out of my "comfort-zone" and I let him entered. Two weeks after this, after Paris Fashion Week and a couple of shoots , he took a plane to Madrid. On our first date , he brought me flowers , and took me to the cinema, we watched "Batman Returns" on O.V. He kissed me again. I didn't wanted to be on a relationship , but he persisted and persisted until I gave him a chance. I will never regret having done that, as well as I will never regret having loved you. Distance became easy. He traveled a lot , giving me surprises. Suddenly one day the phone will ring and he'll be saying something like "leave your books on the locker and just take the bag, go out of class as soon as possible babe" , and then I was finding myself on a weekend trip to his mother town in England. Lovely. With no clothes. Who cares ? I got his. It's near London , so we did shopping sometimes. He listen to me. It doesn't matter where, he just does. He's the stone I hold onto when I'm down. I just got him P, and few little friends. No family. No big parties. I'm no longer materialistic(just sometimes). But I enjoy little things in life, such as go to the supermarket for food. Or tea on a rainy day. With him. He makes me laugh. He makes me happy. And that's what I've been searching for all my life. No expensive things, just someone that actually makes me forget the world. Forget my parents. Forget all.
He's cool. He's mine. I love that. He's mine and I'm his. I got my cool tattoos, and I'm blonde as I always wanted. I fit onto the 36, and I keep smoking listening to "The Virgins". I have my Dr.Martens in red (the ones that my mum hated). And my ears pierced. I got my room full of photos. And my heart full of love.
Thank you so much, for leaving me. It was destiny's plan that I find this man. My man.
This is the last time I will write you, baby.
Forever grateful ,
Paula
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